I’ve been putting this post off for months. Every time I sit down to write about why I took a nearly year-long hiatus, I freeze. Would that be considered ‘blog fright’? Like stage fright but with a blog? Is that even a thing?
This past year has just not been kind to me. As I’ve mentioned before, my best friend, my cheerleader, my sweet, sweet mom, passed away last June after being sick for the past few years. Her death hit me hard, and of course, I didn’t get me “ohmygod she’s dead” moment for weeks after she died. I thought I was okay, but I wasn’t. I was treading water without even knowing it.
All I knew for the past seven years was taking care of my mom, I lost my social life, my grades dropped, most of my time was spent driving her to doctors appointments or dialysis, but I didn't care. Of course, my dad was taking care of her as well, but my mom was my partner in crime and I wanted to do all of those things for her.
I still don’t know where I am exactly, and I have no idea at all where I’m going. I’m still figuring out my life without my mom every day. I don’t have anyone to ask “mom questions” to. I don’t have her to snuggle with me when I can’t sleep. The time without my mom has been the most difficult journey of my life so far. And the worst part is that she's not here to guide me like she used to.
I took my time off, I was able to clear my head and get to a place where I feel like I'm healthy and stable. I still get upset about my mother frequently, but it gets a little better each time.
With that, I'm happy to say that I'm done with my almost year-long hiatus. Thank you to those who stuck with me through all of this. Thank you for reading this sappy post. I can gladly say that it is only going to get better from here.